My big girl

When Hope was an infant, I was totally mesmerized by how such a tiny little package could be so complete, so perfect, and so dependent on ME. It was euphoric, terrifying, exhausting, and a special kind of day-to-day magic that I've never known before or since. I wanted that feeling to last forever, and I was horrified at the thought that it might fade or become ordinary over time. I couldn't imagine feeling the same way about a toddler that I did about my newborn.

Now she's almost 2, and while the feeling has changed, it's just a different kind of awe and magic. Sometimes she tries my patience. Sometimes she is stubborn and whiny. But her charm, her beauty, her personality, the way she thinks, what makes her tick, her memory, her ability to pretend - it blows me away every day.



Impossible as I thought it was, I definitely love her more today than I did when she was a baby.



And I'm pretty excited to see what kind of kid, teenager, and woman she'll turn into. Like my mom always has, I'm sure there will be days when I'll wish she was 2 or 3 years old again, but I really hope to be able to constantly prefer whatever stage she's in to the incredible sweetness of now. Again, that sounds impossible. How could I possibly prefer a 20 year old to the cute-voiced, unashamed, toddler who always says "Mommy rock you?"